Why do you live?

Commander Grausam

A very big question, I know, but yes: why are you still alive, and what do you have to live for personally?
Death has been on my mind for a while. I periodically flirt with the idea of suicide, and each time I chew on it I spit it out. I don't plan on ever doing it.

I've never felt as if I live in the world. I've felt constant detachment and alienation at nearly any moment in my life. I have no real life friends and my social circle is made up only of family. It isn't that I'm shy either. I originally thought that it was because I couldn't relate to others, but I find all of that as symptomatic, not the cause. I just feel perpetually detached from the world, like this entire thing's a dream.

I was thinking around 2 days ago... well, being I don't feel like I'm home in the world, why continue living?

For me, it's a few different things. First and foremost, I exist because of a conscious decision from the Almighty. He makes no mistakes, so I have some place here that I just have to find.
I have hobbies I love, I have an ailing father I ought to take care of, and internet friends and family who care about me. I'll never truly feel one with the world, but why should I? I'll just continue existing because I exist, I need no other reason.

marc

Commander Grausam I just feel perpetually detached from the world, like this entire thing's a dream.

Same. I feel depersonalized too and like I don't even exist. Sometimes I think hard about an ultimate Why? and the symptoms increase more and I get slightly scared. Drug use made me like this for sure but I also have no way of getting it out of my head now. Sometimes I get stuck on the thought that I can't distinguish the world from my perception or imagination.
Why do I live? For me it's a similar reason, which is that there's a reason I came to be here and it can't be right to kms.

Ross_R No one has to endure all the unfairness, darkness and any other bollocks the world throws at a man. And before anyone will barge into the thread with "but you have so much to live for!", "life is beautiful!" bollocks - think fucking twice. Depressed people are depressed precisely because they do not get all those beautiful things to live for.

Sorry to de-legitimize you but that's exactly what we tell them because they don't appreciate what they have. There's always going to be problems but if you're trying to kill yourself over them it means your head is too full of that and you need a refresher. And I dare you to tell me that all suicides are 100% justified and that the victim was never too close-minded or obsessed over something trivial.
Aside from that, I have an issue with suicide because I love adrenaline and can't find enough reasons to not be reckless and enjoy that. So a happy suicide problem.

fish oil

I was put onto this world to embark on a Hero's Journey, obtain mastery over my craft, mind, and body, and use what I've learned to help other people become the best version of themselves.

Truly accepting and internalizing the fact that I will be dead one day helps wash away the distractions in my mind significantly. I have to help others and make this world a better place somehow, my competitive spirit and drive to win in my sport & craft are just the vessel through which I will acquire the skills to do so. I've realized that I am most fulfilled when I am mastering a skill or helping someone else, so might as well combine the both.

As for your situation, I encourage you to watch these two videos. They greatly inspired and helped me, and I hope they do the same for you 😃
1
2

For me personally, spending a decent amount of time meditating or just being alone without any stimulation (something I've personally struggled with) helped to cement a path in my mind. The more I meditated, the easier it was to hear my own inner voice that I had drowned out alongside other negative feelings, which I needed to sit through all along. However, finding the path was definitely a bit more straightforward for me as I already had these certain events in my early life that invoked strong emotions from deep, cementing in my brain and heart what I wanted to do. Alongside alone time listening to your soul, you may need to go out and try to find it yourself, whatever "it" is. Good luck!

Ross_R

This world is not my home, I'm just a passing through.
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue.
The angels beckon me from heaven's open door,
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.
-- From "This World Is Not My Home". I prefer Ray Jones' version.

Unlike many other people, I, as the one who flirts with the idea of suicide every now and then myself, will say nothing against it. If anything, there's definitely a point of admiration in my heart for everyone who was able to overcome the very primal instinct of self-preservation and end one's own life. It's quite brave in my eyes, and I don't care what anyone else will say about that. No one has to endure all the unfairness, darkness and any other bollocks the world throws at a man. And before anyone will barge into the thread with "but you have so much to live for!", "life is beautiful!" bollocks - think fucking twice. Depressed people are depressed precisely because they do not get all those beautiful things to live for. Remainding us that all those things are out there doesn't change that they remain unavailable for us for whatever reason - and so it just drives us further into depression.

Now, with that out of the way - to get on with the OP's question...
First - the absence of a weapon nearby helps a lot. If I'll ever get through the trouble of getting a hunting license and buy myself a beautriful MTs255 I dream about every now and then - it is almost guaranteed that I'll blow my brains out when I'll be during one of... most unsettling episodes of my life. But as I do not have a gun - I just go for vodka, and it is usually less or more alright in a day or two. At least, good enough to think and continue the struggle.
And, well, in more sane moments - my faith. It's not about God-Creator, no - I have a rather weird, personal faith of mine, which I took up through years of reading about different religions, and through signs I've saw while living my life. If you're really interested about it - I can, perhaps, tell you a thing or two in personal messages, somewhere, somehow, but here are just several moments I went through.
Back in school I, once, during the winter, exited the tram and then went behind it to cross the tracks, and I slipped. I slipped backwards - and before I fell, another tram, blew right past by. It was an oncoming tram to the one I just exited, and since I decided to walk behind the tram, the driver of the oncoming tram couldn't possibly see me. If I took another step - or if I slipped and fell forward - I'd likely be dead. Or at least really seriously injured.
Another winter I crashed my car, hard. At about 130 km/h or so. And yet, there wasn't even a scratch on me, believe it or not. Not even a scratch. Airbags didn't work either, so I didn't even have a broken nose or something,
So, see, things like that... they probably drove me a bit mad, but I believe that all the signs I had in my life were true. My God needs me. Perhaps, not even in life - perhaps, he wants me to be really prepaired for the afterlife - but he will claim me when he deems necessary. It is not my decision to die.
Uh, I said "more sane" moments, didn't I? Well, perhaps I shouldn't call it that way, but I think you see the point.

These are my reasons. I do not really feel that my internet "friends" will miss me much, if at all. My family? Sure, they probably will, for a while, but in the long run, logically, they are actually better off without me. My hobbies? Ah, nothing but a failure and a waste of time, ultimately. But, well, one can argue that such is all life in general.

damas

I live to see how things unfold. I believe in Open Individualism. There is no death. I don't subscribe to any of the "spiritual beliefs" around it, I just see it as a matter of fact. I recommend you give it a look.

We are humans living by human rules. Participating creates achievement and connection, which are the fundamentals to happiness, and I am fine with just that. At the same time, I don't place value on my life in a transcendental, abstract sense. I will kill myself if if the situation is too uncomfortable to simply power through, or I have lived long enough to be satisfied, but it will be of my own accord.

Ross_R

marc Sorry to de-legitimize you but that's exactly what we tell them because they don't appreciate what they have. There's always going to be problems but if you're trying to kill yourself over them it means your head is too full of that and you need a refresher.

Indeed, here they come. My favorite type of human beings. The ones that always know what my head is full of and what I need. What I have and what I should appreciate.
Do I even need to explain how fucking wrong such approach is? Just... commanding other people to appreciate what they have - without even knowing what they have. And why the fuck do they even need to appreciate what they have in the first place? Some people like rock music, some people don't. Some people appreciate life, some people don't. It's a matter of taste, if you will. Not everyone is, like, bound to appreciate whatever.
Speaking of being close-minded, huh, but if you cannot expand your mind far enough to grasp this simple concept - better just step down, since you are only making it worse.

marc And I dare you to tell me that all suicides are 100% justified and that the victim was never too close-minded or obsessed over something trivial.

Oh, I never said that. Never even implied, really. I was speaking specifically about depressed people, not about obsessed or close-minded ones. Not that one thing automatically excludes another as well - it's just... outside of the scope of my post. I was simply speaking about what bothers me specifically, much like OP spoke about his point of view specifically.

marc

Ross_R better just step down, since you are only making it worse.

I'm making what worse? How is telling someone to wipe their tears making things worse? Ok, go ahead jump off and kys.

Ross_R And why the fuck do they even need to appreciate what they have in the first place?

To be happy. Otherwise no matter what you have you'll always be sad.

Ross_R Some people appreciate life, some people don't

lmfao. Some people appreciate what they have, some don't. We all want to and were meant to live.

Ross_R I was speaking specifically about depressed people

And these can also be the result of a poor mindset or have fixes don't they?

Commander Grausam

marc

Ross_R

On the topic of depression, I frankly have some rather strong opinions on the matter.
For one, not all "depression" is actually a mental illness. It's very much on a spectrum though between reactive depression (i.e. caused by life circumstances) and depression simply caused by a chemical imbalance (which happens), which it seems no one actually ever talks about. Some people are depressed because of a life situation. Meds can't fix your life.

I've got schizoaffective disorder (which is basically schizophrenia + mood disorder) and for me a large margin of it was a chemical imbalance in that I was hearing voices I believed came from God. I cannot discount the life situation element either. Childhood loneliness, bullying and sexual abuse trauma definitely added to it. Meds helped though I'm not without issues, it's just that most of it was chemical.

I think there's inherent meaning to life, admittedly it is personal dogma that probably can't convince others, which is fine; I don't believe suffering is inherently punishment nor that joy is inherently reward. I've experienced both enough to know. Everyone lives and dies on his own merit.

Ross_R

marc How is telling someone to wipe their tears making things worse?

Wow. Well, what kind of answer do you want: layman or professional?
If you want to educate yourself on a pro-level - go read about humanistic theory of approach to psychology and humanistic psychotherapy in general, and read works by people such as Carl Rogers. In very basic - and I mean very, ultimately basic - terms, everyone longs to be listened to, acknowledged and understood. We all want to be heard and validated. Even if what we have to say isn’t true, our need to be understood is more important than what we say. Depressed people need understanding the most because everyone fucking thinks the answer is "get a grip" and "wipe your tears"! It doesn't work this way!
In layman terms, there's a wonderful Pixar animation named Inside Out, and there's a character named Sadness, and her whole plotline is just his: sometimes you do not tell people to wipe their tears.
Is it really that hard to understand?

marc To be happy. Otherwise no matter what you have you'll always be sad.

So... your definition of happiness is shallow and blind appreciation of... whatever you personally have. Right? Well, I'm glad for you, if anything. Guess it's easy to be happy when you ain't able to see further than that.
Shame on me, I guess, for not being so egotistical and not having that much love for my very own precious special fucking life. Somehow I tend to think about others every now and then as well.

marc We all want to and were meant to live.

This is only correct from a purely biological point of view, but humans have long ago rose far above simple biology. Hell, some people argue there are evidence of suicide among animals, so you probably don't even need to rise that far above biology.
Anyway, if we include all the non-biological things that makes us human, this statement becomes a logical error, one that is likely the root of the rest of your errancies.

Commander Grausam For one, not all "depression" is actually a mental illness. It's very much on a spectrum though between reactive depression (i.e. caused by life circumstances) and depression simply caused by a chemical imbalance (which happens), which it seems no one actually ever talks about. Some people are depressed because of a life situation. Meds can't fix your life.

True. Not to mention a large amount of attention whores on various websites who pretty much turned "depression" into yet another buzzword, but never actually were depressed themselves even a single day of their life.

1996FordMondeo

Honestly
Dont know.
I dont really enjoy life, but havent yet offed myself(duh) even if sometimes id love to
Doesnt seem that there are things holding me on.
Yeah there are my parents that i get along but seeing how i dont really enjoy talking/being with them I doubt its this.
I tend to say that my Alfa is sole goal in life, but seeing how i dont really work on it this probably isnt it also.
Maybe im just a coward.
Maybe I just havent bothered trying to kill myself because because life didint suck enough to be an issue.

gingermilk

Well, I did wrote a long reply but decided to delete all of it, as I consider the question not worth debating. We attribute purposes to life or deconstruct the entirety of its values based on a consolidated worldview built upon a foundation of unique personal experiences and subjective interpretation of them. Reasons for living can neither be logically derived nor unanimously acknowledged, therefore I respect all opinions on this question.

Personally, I don't think we live because we have a reason to live. Only those who are depressed and bitter against life torture themselves with finding a clearly defined purpose of life as the only source that would sustain their further existence. We live because being becomes the default state once we come into existence and the alternative, the termination of being, is only voluntarily chosen when there is a socially acceptable valid reason, thus most people will simply reply "I don't know" to the given question. So the better and easier question to answer is...why have you not killed yourself yet?

chemawa

Death is going to come to me regardless, so I'm not going to hurry it along regardless of how much suffering I experience. I'll only die if it's to further what I want to make happen, or if my body just gives out. In the mean time I've got things I want to make and things I want to see. I hope, in some small way, I'm someday able to help my species spread ourselves into space and achieve further mastery over ourselves and the universe.

rrraksamam

I have a job to do.
Dying is not an option.

Kauli

I Live because...Why not?
It's simple really. I have been given this opportunity to live a life, A life of pure uncertainty besides a few things (Such as death and aging) and It's free! If death is uncertainty why shouldn't we enjoy this certainty that we live in? Even with all the pain and trouble that comes with life it's still something you can look up to. You can always look up to tomorrow, the day after that and so forth.
This is momentary, Time WILL pass, you WILL get older and you sure will experience a bunch of stuff.
Bad moments? Good moments? Who knows! (It's a gamble to be honest.)
The point is, Time is limited. And just ending myself will change nothing (If it does change I won't be here to perceive it, So did it REALLY change?). By doing that you are just quitting of all the possibilities of life.

also I like my friends, music and stuff.

Also, Not against killing myself. If I get to a point where I am too old or I feel like I have done enough I will just say goodbye to the people I care for the most and blow my brains out in a fashionably manner.
Might aswell make my crime scene look pretty with some flowers down my throat.

You could say that's a narrow minded view on life. Beacuse it is, yes.

LOWnHA

I think about what I could do and what I would've missed out on had I not been in the state I am. A large portion of my life can be summed up with one word: "Pain".

But it's really not all bad. I've got a lot to live for. The work isn't finished, if you get me.

Vesti

Don't have any profound or meaningful reasons like the other posters here.
Dying is painful, and I wanna avoid pain as much as possible so, I'm just living so I can continue seeing people I care about. Plus, abandoning my Husbando would suck...

friffri

Why would I kill myself when this cup of tea I'm drinking right now is this good?

1996FordMondeo

friffri
just kill yourself when you will finish this cup o tea

june

Suicide is harder than they make it sound! Simple as that.

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