Marriage and children

Commander Grausam

See title. Do you plan on getting married and/or having kids at all?

It's a very complicated matter for me. I know that if I did marry a woman and have kids, I would be a horrible father to them. I also have schizoaffective disorder and am high functioning autistic which makes it even harder. My mother's got OCD and it paints our discussions and relationship, no doubt I would be much worse to them. My various ailments also pose a genetic threat to my progeny. I don't want my kids to also turn out schizo.

I am a waifuist, my waifu being Sayaka Miki (see profile pic). While I truly love her and see her as my true significant other, the realization that if she existed, I would be a horrible husband/boyfriend still gets me. I can only love her because she isn't real, and that sucks. I can only truly love in my own mind.

Dying alone is not my concern; living alone eventually is. If I ever begin having psychotic episodes again but this time without family to support me I'm on shit creek without a paddle. At the same time, getting married because I'm afraid of being alone and knowing the risks I pose to my wife and children I feel it's extremely selfish to do so.

1996FordMondeo

Personally I try to live by the "never say never" principle.
But as of now I have no plans or desire to marry and acquire children.
Not only I am not interested in that, I also tend to believe that id be a bad parent/husband, and personally as someone who doesnt really enjoy living, i wouldnt want to bring someone into this lfe as well.
though I am not some antinatalist. I dont consider existence of children to be abuse. dont think i have any genetic diseases i can pass down Im just not interested in it.
Maybe there is something mentally wrong with me, maybe i havent mentally matured enough maybe there is something else.

Commander Grausam I am a waifuist

honestly not me. I have fictional characters i like and might jokingly call waifu but man could never understand people that do this unironically.

Ross_R I do not want the government to put a stamp into my passport or whatever

You are russian right? is it true that russian id discloses the marriage status?

friffri

Commander Grausam I am a waifuist, my waifu being Sayaka Miki

I didn't recognize you at first since you changed your avatar. It's kinda funny, when I read this I though "oh wow, we have 2 guys with the same waifu on this forum. Are they going to fight for her?"

Anyway, back on topic. I would like both, but I also have no plan and there are no signs that any of the 2 are going to happen any time soon.

I was going to say I wouldn't be a bad dad, I just need to fix a few things with myself, but then I started thinking "then why aren't you fixing those things right now?" and also "so you already know how to be a good dad?" and ... uhh. Well, at least the bar for "worst dad in the world" shouldn't be hard to pass

Commander Grausam At the same time, getting married because I'm afraid of being alone and knowing the risks I pose to my wife and children I feel it's extremely selfish to do so.

I don't know your situation, so I already apologize if this is going to come across as insensible: I've seen some people go to extreme lengths for their loved ones, and still being happy to do so until the end. Try not to close the doors even to those people who would be willing to make that kind of "sacrifice"

sonoko

Commander Grausam I'd like two kids. One boy, one girl. Twins or within a couple of years of each other. Get all the hard part done in one fell swoop.

sanner

Commander Grausam Yes i suppose i do. Even though i'm somewhat of a misanthrope, I don't see the point in living in this world if i'm just going to grow and consume for and by myself. I'd like to feel love for another-- like a parent does for a child-- like the sort of feeling that you would give your life for them, or that your goal of raising and caring for them takes precedence to your own wellbeing. I don't want to die being a selfish or loveless thing i guess. but thats all any human would ask for right.

sonoko 'hard part' is one way to look at it. You don't think you might miss anything about it once they're older?

Ross_R

Only if I'll ever win a huge fucking jackpot. Otherwise I'm definitely not condemning any more human beings into this hellhole. For what, to live the same fucked up life? No fucking way. I have a heart.
Marriage, on the other hand, is possible, but I will have to be persuaded, because I really do not want anything anyhow official. I do not want the government to put a stamp into my passport or whatever. The less bureaucracy I have in my life, the less government knows about me - well, all the better.
But, hah, it's not like I really have to worry about anything like that in the first place.

Ross_R

1996FordMondeo You are russian right? is it true that russian id discloses the marriage status?

By ID do you mean passport? Yeah, the status is written in the passport.

Doc

I would love to be married and have kids. I am sure it isn't in the cards for me. The people my age detest kids as if they actively harm everyone around them. I am getting old for kids anyways. I fear I only have half a decade left before I start to get at the age where I won't be able to keep up with children. I like to think I would be a good father. I have been decent with kids before and they seem to like me. The only time I had problems taking care of them is when I was a kid myself. To further complicate things, I am gay and so getting kid would be hard unless I get a wife solely for a kid. I wouldn't want to be a single father and we would need to stay together, which would cause more problems than is worth. I would settle for getting married. Gays are infamously awful at that so I think I will just die alone when the time comes.

marc

We are meant to breed so yeah. I fixed most my issues that made me reluctant before. Only issue is I avoided girls for years before that and I'm lonely now. Also marriage should preferably be for the ripe age of 20-24 MAX. Also celebrate life so that antinatalist sobs seethe.

1996FordMondeo

marc honestly another reason why im not interested in marriage or kids is because i think im kinda past the age. Everyone in my family is saying that you should have kids before 25 otherwise you wont be able to keep up. im already 25.
also agreed: dab on them antinatalists. I may be a doomer that doesnt enjoy life, but i dont consider life as punishment.

Ross_R

marc We are meant to breed so yeah.

Here we go again... If you are meant to breed - donate your sperm or something. It's 21st century, breeding has barely anything to do with marriage and, like, actually having children, as you can propagate and never even see your own children.
Quit being so fucking primitive. It's like saying "a human being have to eat, so I will raise my own vegetables and have a little farm with chicken and pigs". No, you will buy that in a shop. Get real.

Doc

marc

1996FordMondeo

Don't fall into doomerism. You're not getting any younger, and the second best day to start is today. I know people who had parents that were in their late fifties when they were born. I think a lot of people can easily keep up with kids, as long as they take care of themselves.

june

I plan on marrying my girlfriend eventually, and think about having kids often as well. This is all very much in the future however, as I'm not in a good situation to care for a child, so I'd rather get myself into a place I'm comfortable with before I delve too far into that. I also don't want to raise my child in the world as it is now, which helps motivate me to strive for a better world for all. Still, I enjoy imagining them and planning everything out in my head, it's something to do.

rrraksamam

My lifestyle and career wouldn't allow for that at the moment.

I believe in doing things 'cause I want to. Not 'cause it's the societal norm or someone else thinks I should.

marc

rrraksamam I believe in doing things 'cause I want to. Not 'cause it's the societal norm or someone else thinks I should.

Why do you care what others think? You sound like you feel an obligation.

gingermilk

Ever since childhood I disliked the idea of getting married and having children and I have never ever changed my mind. A child isn't influenced by any ideology yet, so I would say that my reluctance to follow the traditional path is more motivated by intuition rather than any kind of moral belief or personal doctrine. I do agree with the antinatalist argument, mainly what Benatar has outlined in his book, and sympathize with the atomized lifestyle of the young generation. Yet to me, staying single and not breeding is just a simple personal preference, but not a conscious decision followed from lines of reasoning.

I am just getting tired of people assuming that all of my preferences are based on some popular ideology. This also applies when I have to explain to people that I don't eat meat simply because I don't like meat. I couldn't care less about my already shitty health or saving the dying planet and no ma'am I am not religious.

BECH

I shall not marry "properly". Instead, I will have lots and lots of friends and we will all live together in one house. I may one day have concubines who I use to become the Genghis Khan, but this is a very long-term thing. I don't like the institution of marriage. I may get married legally but it would only be "for the lols", and I would do something funny like be black out drunk during the ceremony; it would not be a "real" marriage.

sonoko

sanner You're probably right, I'm just bracing myself for worst case scenario. Plus, there's always grandkids to look forward to.

Heidi

I get scared to be married because lord knows where I'll be soon.
Plus, I'm VERY neurodivergent and VERY impulsive.

Megaloschemos

Yes. I can't see enjoyable life being about much else. There's work and then there's that and hobbies, which doing too much of alone isn't fun to do.

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